Lessons I have learned from others #2

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On Friday, November 27th, Fati Madougou, the wife of the former Mayor of Libore, Amadou Madougou, passed away peacefully surrounded by her family.  I met Fati in Niger in 2007, when I went for my first visit in May of that year.  She couldn’t speak a word of English and I could barely say anything in French.  But that is when our special friendship was forged.

And in my subsequent 7 visits to Niger over the last 13 years, we met each time in her home or my hotel.  Each time our bond grew stronger, but never through language, never through the spoken word.  We would sit looking at each other, clasping hands, hugging and baring our hearts and souls without uttering a word. I could always feel the love in her heart and sense the compassion in her soul.  She was a poet, a teacher, a mother and grandmother.  She was a woman of great strength and character.  Her son, Mamoud, told me that in her final day, knowing that she was dying, she told the family everything she wanted to say, and seemed at peace with her world.  She died on a Friday, a holy day.

Fati had that special something that is so rare in this world – a light that shone brightly from her eyes and reflected the wisdom deep in her soul.

By the last time I saw her, I no longer worried about finding words, I was content to just “sit” in her presence and soak up her warmth.

She taught me, by example, that true love needs no expression in words, it simply “is”.

I will forever miss you Fati.  You have left a mark on all the lives you have touched – and in this soul who lives across the ocean in Canada.

 

 

 

Lessons I have learned from others – #1

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“I love my apartment!’

 

These were the words that stayed with me this past week as I listened to so many eulogies and memories about Suri Nisker, a daughter, sister, mother and friend, who passed away in her 50s. I had only met Suri once, briefly, because she lived in New York, but I have been good friends with her mother, Noreen, for five years.

 

Listening on Zoom to the words spoken about her at her funeral and the memorial services that followed, changed my perspective on life and inspired me to start writing a blog on “Lessons I have learned from Eulogies”.

 

Eulogies from family and friends speak to the essence of someone’s character, their legacy. The sum of a person’s life is distilled in a few paragraphs, or a page, sometimes in a poem or a phrase. And therein lie the gems that come from these final words about a person’s life.

 

In those few minutes, there are enormous lessons for us all. For many years I have walked away from funeral services inspired to be better.  I remember hearing about a friend’s wife who was the most amazing cook and baker – and so many in her family spoke about the memories in that kitchen with the incredible smells of freshly baked bread and cookies and conversations that went with it.  I walked out determined to learn how to bake so I too could leave memories of cookies and all that went with them for my grandchildren one day.

 

Yet I never thought to write down what I learned from eulogies until now.  Until Suri.

 

Suri kept her motto of life on a wall where she could see it every day. “Accept, Appreciate, Adjust”.  Suri suffered with MS most of her life but she never complained or whined about her situation. She accepted, appreciated and adjusted.

 

Accept – accept what cannot be changed with grace.

Appreciate – Suri woke up in the mornings and said, “I love my apartment. I love the tree outside”!  She always found something positive to celebrate.  Rather than focus on her own disability she became the sounding board for friends, family and strangers offering comfort and humour, an open ear and friendship. Everyone wanted to be near Suri, in her light, and in her orbit.

Adjust – change course, pivot and do whatever you need to do to live to your potential.

 

We sometimes feel badly in life sharing our joy with someone whose life does not appear to feel as full as ours.  But Suri had in her mother’s words, “empathetic joy” for others and made you want to share your highest highs without the worry that she would feel sorry for herself in the telling.  How extraordinary is this? How rare.

 

She lived her life with no regrets.

 

So while I never really knew Suri I will carry her lessons in my heart.  Every day when I wake up I will “accept” the challenges coming my way, say “I love my condo” because I do “appreciate” it so much, and “adjust” to any realities I must face.

 

Suri taught me all this through the things her family and friends revealed about her life. Even without knowing her, her joyous approach to life will stay with me forever.

 

And so today I initiate this new blog, “Lessons I have learned from Eulogies”.

 

Thank you Suri.

 

 

 

Aging Preconceived: A Podcast

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Does age really matter? Is life so simple that it can be broken down into milestones typically associated with specific ages? Zale breaks down the preconceptions of aging with his mother Robin Mednick, who has taken many twists and turns in her life, starting with an extensive education in law, economics and politics, but ultimately veering in completely different career paths. Robin challenges the notions that “younger is better” and that age puts limits on the goals we set to accomplish.

New York Times Article on legacy

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There was a great article in the New York Times on Friday, December 9th, 2016 that talked about older adults finding peace in remembering aspects of their lives and sharing with others:

http://nyti.ms/2h6uBMD

Always good as we approach the New Year to reflect on our lives and think about the legacy we will leave behind one day.  I encourage everyone to write their letter of legacy to their family and friends this coming year – it will be the greatest gift you can ever give your loved ones.

45 Life lessons as shared by Regina Brett

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These words to live by were written by Regina Brett, from Cleveland, in a column she penned years ago.

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I’ve ever written.
So here is the column once more:

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My mother’s life reflections

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I dedicate this first blog to the memory of my mother, Bernice Henry, a woman who lived life to the fullest and lived it on her own terms.

In June of 2013, I sat down with my mother and began to record her life reflections, those moments in time that she remembered from her life that held special meaning for her.  I began to ask questions, but she wasn’t listening to any of them. She just started talking and didn’t stop. At first I thought she wasn’t hearing me.  But then I realized that she just had so much to say that the questions were irrelevant to her.  I stopped asking, and let her just speak. And she did, for hours.

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