Lessons I have learned from others – #1

“I love my apartment!’

These were the words that stayed with me this past week as I listened to so many eulogies and memories about Suri Nisker, a daughter, sister, mother and friend, who passed away in her 50s. I had only met Suri once, briefly, because she lived in New York, but I have been good friends with her mother, Noreen, for five years.

Listening on Zoom to the words spoken about her at her funeral and the memorial services that followed, changed my perspective on life and inspired me to start writing a blog on “Lessons I have learned from Eulogies”.

Eulogies from family and friends speak to the essence of someone’s character, their legacy. The sum of a person’s life is distilled in a few paragraphs, or a page, sometimes in a poem or a phrase. And therein lie the gems that come from these final words about a person’s life.

In those few minutes, there are enormous lessons for us all. For many years I have walked away from funeral services inspired to be better.  I remember hearing about a friend’s wife who was the most amazing cook and baker – and so many in her family spoke about the memories in that kitchen with the incredible smells of freshly baked bread and cookies and conversations that went with it.  I walked out determined to learn how to bake so I too could leave memories of cookies and all that went with them for my grandchildren one day.

Yet I never thought to write down what I learned from eulogies until now.  Until Suri.

Suri kept her motto of life on a wall where she could see it every day. “Accept, Appreciate, Adjust”.  Suri suffered with MS most of her life but she never complained or whined about her situation. She accepted, appreciated and adjusted.

Accept – accept what cannot be changed with grace.

Appreciate – Suri woke up in the mornings and said, “I love my apartment. I love the tree outside”!  She always found something positive to celebrate.  Rather than focus on her own disability she became the sounding board for friends, family and strangers offering comfort and humour, an open ear and friendship. Everyone wanted to be near Suri, in her light, and in her orbit.

Adjust – change course, pivot and do whatever you need to do to live to your potential.

We sometimes feel badly in life sharing our joy with someone whose life does not appear to feel as full as ours.  But Suri had in her mother’s words, “empathetic joy” for others and made you want to share your highest highs without the worry that she would feel sorry for herself in the telling.  How extraordinary is this? How rare.

She lived her life with no regrets.

So while I never really knew Suri I will carry her lessons in my heart.  Every day when I wake up I will “accept” the challenges coming my way, say “I love my condo” because I do “appreciate” it so much, and “adjust” to any realities I must face.

Suri taught me all this through the things her family and friends revealed about her life. Even without knowing her, her joyous approach to life will stay with me forever.

And so today I initiate this new blog, “Lessons I have learned from Eulogies”.

Thank you Suri.